Sunday, August 26, 2007
Finding The Balance
It's been a while since I posted.....just been busy! Well they have been married for 2 weeks now and I have only talked to my "sweet" son once.....He called me. I was totally surprised. However, I am struggling with finding my place as the "mother-in-law". I don't want either of them to think I am bothering them, but there are times when I just "need" to talk to him. I miss our conversations and the many things we talked about. Hey, I'll be honest, I just plain miss him. I know he is "preoccupied" now, but really a phone call that takes more then 2 minutes would be nice. And where do I find the balance so my sweet daughter-in-love doesn't think I'm trying to come between them......Any suggestions?
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6 comments:
The parents we are close with are the ones who let us be the 'adults'. Especially in the beginning young marrieds are looking to make decisions for themselves. Even if this means letting them make some mistakes.
In other words, just be their for them. I would be careful with giving a whole lot of advice or 'you should do's'. Of course this is coming from the daughter in laws perspective, but maybe it will help.
As I'm typing this, D is on the phone...with his mom. :)
It took some time for us to "adjust" in our relationship where his mom is concerned, we've all had to do some "giving", but the key, I think, is respecting each other and the roles each of you have in your son's life.
You're right - the balance is hard. I know that my grandparents where not around much because they didn't want to bother us or get in the way. I missed out on a lot and always wished that they would have bothered us a little more.
I know my MIL tends to have the same attitude although not nearly that extreme. She doesn't want me to feel smothered. But most of the time I just wish I could hear from her a little more. Yeah, it might be annoying here or there, but overall it would be great.
I think one of the keys with calling is to not be one of those people who stay on the phone forever. Short and quick + more often is wonderful. Sweet emails that just remind them you love them are great. Just little things to show you're there. And not just to your son.
Make your new daughter feel super special. When we married, I was the only girl in John's family. So I was the long awaited daughter that was so very spoiled. They always made me feel so very loved and wanted. They still do.
I think the one thing that has been a turn-off for me with my in-laws is the attitude (maybe I should say perceived attitude) that all of their family events and gatherings are much more important than my own family things. Take what you want from that.
There's probably not any magic potion. It just takes awhile to adjust. And I'm proud to say that I totally love my in-laws. They aren't perfect but I'm not either so we're a great match. I'm sure you'll be a wonderful mother-in-law. You learned how to be a mother in every other stage of your son's life and you'll learn how to do this too. =)
I was going to say treat her like she is apart of the family just like your son. Me and my in laws have an awesome relationship. They are not too noise and they care about what happens in our life!! Don't think of her as taking your son but as a new enrichment to your son. My husband has changed as we have been married. He is growing into a strong person in our relationship and his family has been there to encourage us through some of the hard times. You will still get to talk to him on the phone but it might be Bre that calls first. I am not sure just sometimes happens at our house. So enjoy the addition and sorry for the long winded answer that might not even help!!!
Love you and I am praying that the best for you and the new couple!!!
Don't ask me, I don't know how to be a mother-in-law, just a mom!
That's what my new additions are...
my kids, and I treat them no different than the ones I birthed.
I do try not to bug them and wait on them to call me but sometimes I just have to text them and say
"Call ya Mothea!"
And they do!
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